01] Please comment!
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04] Tonight, I won't let you go~♡



( 2NE1: 12 CL & Minzy Icons! )

I never realized how much writing helps with being upset.

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you're all keeping warm and enjoying the day if you celebrate or not =)

( My Christmas in Germany )

I don't really celebrate, but my entire family will be over for the usual Christmas dinner. My brother's new wife will be joining us, and it will be my first time meeting her. That should be fun. I hear she's very quiet so I'm not expecting much. I will probably invite her out for a walk, that is, if the weather isn't awful, and get to know her. That's only if I think she's worth the bother, and I'm doubting she is.

So, my mother found out what's wrong with her. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicobacter_pylori - she has that, a stomach ulcer, and also a growth on one of her ovaries... wtf!? She's going to find out soon what that growth is... it's rather worrying that H Pylori can lead to cancer and my mum has a growth :/.

I have ordered the two books I'll be needing for my psych classes next semester. Research Methods and Statistics looks like a bitch so I'ma try to get on top of that right away *Adjusts nerdy glasses*. Developmental Psych is a doddle. I'm also doing a biology module and a anthropology module on Japanese society and culture next semester. I will most definitely being seeing Matt in those Japanese lectures. The funny thing is i chose it and then discovered it was a module from anthropology. and nothing else is appealing to me, so i will be seeing him. mm, it's cool. 161 other people in the lecture, it's not like i'll have to work with him... [Scene cuts to one month later in friday's Anthropology class where Mia and Matt are placed into the same study groups]. Fuck, I can just imagine it.

...wish you all a very merry Christmas!

Now, I'm off to go to midnight mass. Yes, I'm a Christian once a year. ;)

The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be, (b) that is the one and only way that the mediocre and the vile can be transformed, and (c) doing that makes it that. Loving makes love. Loving makes itself. We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love. Wouldn't that be the way to make love stay? Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words "make" and "stay" become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.

Between showering, nail painting and wrapping the last gifts... I wish you a merry christmas! Have a nice time with your loved ones.


photo taken by me two days ago

The postcard is from 1906. The little kid with the Christmas tree is pretty cute ;)

I'd like to wish you all a wonderful time during Christmas. If your family annoys you, look at the bright side - Christmas lasts usually only three days :)

Wow, it's been a while since I posted for the last time. My dearest laptop Joey is running again, thanks to my wonderful, fantastic neighbour Bernd I was able to save all my photos and music etc. ! Even my email account is working again, haha I opened it yesterday: over 250 new mails! :DD (mostly useless stuff though)

Now I only need to get a Photoshop version, I downloaded Gimp and totally freaked out although I just wanted to resize a picture... I hope my brother finds some illegal version for me soon!

Hihi, I didn't show you my lovely PLAYMOBIL advent calender yet, TA-DAH:

( ... )

(Since I'll have some free time in the next couple of days: any recommendations concerning tv series? Oh and where can I best watch Grey's Anatomy and Gossip Girl online? I really need to catch up on both!)

HOME SWEET HOME!! :)

I'm back home for 4 whole weeks, yaaay :). I'm mostly happy because I can *finally* relax.. I have been so busy for the past 3 months, I haven't had any time to think, to reflect, I have forgotten myself!! :( I need to recharge.

I spent last night with this guy I'm seeing called Sam. He is madly in love with me but he is too attached and foolish and weak for me to like him back... but he is absolutely lovely and HOT, i'll tell you that. He wrote me a letter and put it in my suitcase for me to read when I got back. It reads:
 
Dear Mia  

Thank you for my presents and the perfect night. I can't believe it's going to be 5 weeks until you will be back here and I will miss you every day of those 5 weeks. If I was allowed to go with you to London I would. I have never felt more comfortable or as happy with anyone else. You're funny, charming, beautiful and one of the deepest people I have met in my life and even if I never saw you again I would never forget you. But I won't let that happen.  

Love Sam
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

P.S. You look beautiful when you sleep ;)

Ha. Sure it's sweet, but a special WOW @ the kisses. How old is he? (21..) So pathetic :/. You know what he did today when I had to leave? I told him a million times throughout the night that he couldn't come to with me London to take me back home. firstly, because my parents would be on the other end and just No. secondly, i just wanted to relax and rest on my own, away from him.. and also, it was absolutely not worth him paying the money JUST to be in my company... so we said goodbye. and then he fucking bought a ticket just as the coach was about to leave, and jumped on... i was SO ANNOYED! I was telling him it was so rude of him not respecting my wishes and that I said No! so I ignored him (like I said I would if he came) and told him to sit away from me... he apologised and said it was an impulsive decision, that he didn't think. and then 5 minutes later at the next bus stop I told him to get off, and he did. He kept looking back as he was walking, it looked sooo pathetic... :/... he wasted about £15 on that... harsh of me? NO, I told him and he should have respected that. fuck.

i can't handle people who become so attached that their happiness depends on your presence and love for them. he said he was depressed that i was leaving. i can imagine he'll cry that i'm gone :/. it makes me so annoyed and sick... i'm NOT a girl to be falling in love with like that. and the guy literally can't be away from me for more than a few minutes. if i get up, he gets up with me, whatever i do he wants to be by my side... and yet he's so funny and insanely attractive and lovely... ergghh. i hardly ever see him but from now i'm gonna make it clear that i don't want anything. ah, another heart to break. i'm used to this role now, i'm just getting quite tired of it. i'm not wasting any more time on people who i have the ability to kill emotionally :/.

Moving on from that nonsense. Maaann, my contract at work terminated only because I had to go home for a month for the xmas break :(. i can reapply in january and i'll get the job most likely, but i'm not sure if i want to now.. i'd like to experience a different work setting. maybe in Starbucks or some food place. plus i'm sure i'll get sick of the amount of guys who work at Primark who fancy me :/. not joking, i know of atleast 6 guys (friends/acquaintances) who fancy me (and openly show/say it) at work... my SUPERVISOR really fancies me.. it's fun because it makes work exciting, but it's also gonna suck when they eventually want to move it further and i say no. but yeah if i find nowhere else i'll go back there :D.
 
I *really* can't wait to rest and be alone for a while.. YAAAAAY FREE TIMEEEEEE! My friends will be hearing from me for a change, I hope they aren't pissed, hahah.

I think at some point I will make a full update on university. So much has happened. I have learned and done so much.

Oo it snowed yesterday, yay :). tis pretty.

2009 has been a terrible year for celebrity deaths.
i know i'm a few days late with this, but :/

so, squoctobird said something that reminded me of a small bunch of audrey kitching icons i made when i made my header. (a few use my header itself as the base.) i never got around to posting them, so after the request, i thought i would(: no cut 'cause there's only a few.

• please comment if taking.
• please credit when using.
• enjoy(:

 

so. there's like. heaps that has been going on over the last few weeks. but, there's the two main ones i'm focusing on here, they've got their own little cuts, so(:


GREEN DAY 21st CENTURY BREAKDOWN TOUR! ( green daaaaaaaay(: )

CHRISTMAS!

( oh christmas tree... )

01] Please comment!
02] Credit ponyboy or iconzicons if taking!
03] No hotlinking or altering, please!
04] If there's anyone, I'll straight run 'em! Unfadeable, GD stun 'em!

I don't know what to think, how to calculate what exactly I am going through, suffering with but this pressure on my heart has yet to let me breathe. I want to cry every second of each minute, I want to write but never seem to stutter out the words, my heart seems to be caving in, then on odd days all this seems to fade into a distant fog like a walk on a brick road in England after the sun rays have finished setting --My heart ponders around for awhile, and I'm alright. At least for the rest of the day. Don't you wish God would give us more signs in life? It seems we become so desperate for signs from God that this person is wrong for us, that we find ourselves begging, pleading to God for a sign, and when there is not a sign within the same minute of asking for one, we start to think maybe that tiny tiny sound in the back round of this radio is the sign from God, or maybe this green light! OR MAYBE GOD DOESN'T GIVE US SIGNS, MAYBE HE WANTS US TO WANDER AROUND LIKE HAMSTERS IN A MAZE JUST TRYING TO FIND OUR WAY AROUND LIFE WITHOUT ANY HELP! I've always had a hard time telling a girl if I had a problem with something she was doing (Hint: Perhaps this is the reason I get walked all over and cheated on) --She will say or do something that will make me second think, maybe she is cheating, maybe she is not happy, or make me even wonder what the hell she is thinking, but I chicken out and just smirk and pretend nothing is wrong and sadly, agree with whatever she is saying. I'm not sure if I do that because I'd rather believe I'm in a fairy tale, or I don't want to seem needy, or maybe I just don't want to sound like an obsessive boyfriend or maybe the real reason is because I know nothing will change, things will pretend to change and just form into another disaster. And I sit here and ask how did this happen to me? Fuck! HOW STUPID AM I? I get on one knee in the middle of Red Lobster and propose to a girl who is hunched over with a dull look on her face, no smile hidden under her cheeks, no giggle about to burst from her lungs, just a "Ya." And I love her too much to ask her for a happier expression to me giving her my life, well hell! I shouldn't have to ask! "Please baby, say yes instead of plain ya" "Can you at least seem happy about it?" "Do you even want this?" "Go in the bathroom and splash some water on your cheeks so I can at least pretend you are crying from happiness" --I wish I had the guts to stand to you, but instead I'm a fucking pussy who is scared you will leave if I try to "change" you. I'm tired of you changing me, there I said it! LOOK AT ALL I HAVE DONE FOR YOU, AND THEN SIT THERE AND SAY I DO NOT LOVE YOU! I don't need your stupid excuses on why you are always a bitch to me, always saying "Don't touch me right now, don't kiss me, I need space".. Everyone is saying how much I am fucking up my life because of you, and yet I sit here and defend you like a complete idiot, "I'm not fucking my life up, I'm doing what makes me happy, why can't you see that? I love her, shut up!" I will say exactly how you make me feel, in just a few simple sentences: You make me feel as if I have a fucking disease with how many times you tell me not to touch you "right now". I'm tired of sitting next to you waiting for the moment you feel like letting me inside your heart. I'm not making any sense at all, so I'm gonna go.

Goodnight.

I hate being full of the goddamn cold.

Still, that won't stop me going sledging with Roseanne today!

So I had the most amazing time away.

Despite being full of the cold and it snowing constantly.

Russell Howard was absolutely brilliant, as always.
If he does another tour next year I AM going. I don't care if I'm broke, it's happening. And I will probably not bring my brother along this time, worst travel companion ever. 'I don't want to go into Primark again' well tough, it's happening.

I kept getting so excited.

Did LOTS of shopping so I'm well chuffed.

I put some pictures up on Facebook so go have a look if you like ;]

Missed you all!
x

ROSS; A pigeon, a pigeon. No, no wait, no, no, an eagle flew in! Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird’s aid. The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons. Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still ablaze are locked in a death grip, swirling around in the whirlpool that fills the apartment.
RACHEL; Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that’s true.

How awesome Friends are? :D:D:D

Aw man, my flatmate Dave is so sweet... I don't often speak to the guy but he slid a letter under my door that reads:

Hey Mia,
Even though we haven't really talked that much to each other I have enjoyed the times that we did spend together. I feel pretty bad that I haven't enquired into how your course is going and how you're handling uni life but I'm sure that you are doing well and having a good time. Well I guess you must be having a good time with the amount of hickeys you've gotten! :O Merry Christmas!
Dave

Awwww ahah. i wrote him back one:

Dave,

I too have enjoyed the brief encounters that we had; you're a nice person, probably the best person in this flat. I am going to Clive next semester which you might already be aware of, so we won't be seeing each other. However, I hope you have a great second semester and great time in university in general. Have a lovely life.

Mia.

P.S. Yeah, I think my neck has been bruised more than it hasn't been this semester. Not an attractive look, I'm sure! Haha.

My philosophy exam went well today, as did my Sociology exam. I have to study for Social Psych for tomorrow and I am literally dying of exhaustion. Can't wait to get back home and have days and days of pure relaxation...

Life in Germany is still great, but lately I've had a few things stressing me out. I find this normal because winter break is nearly upon us here at Uni Mainz, and while we are not experiencing a hectic finals week like at many US colleges, it's about the middle of the semester for us and therefore we've all been doing some kind of presentation or another. I recently had to present 3: one on Christmas in Norway, one in which I had to recommend a book or film, and another about Henrik Ibsen.

( Stressors and Christmas Plans )

I have two exams today. Philosophy is 9:30-12:30. I'm pretty sure the questions that will come up are 'Is free agency an illusion?" and another one on relativism. I haven't really studied them but I can blag it, no sweat. The second exam is Sociology. Again, easy, haven't bothered studying. I'm gonna pass.

I got my mark for my philosophy essay. 66% which is a B+ which is actually really good (70% is an A), especially considering I didn't even bother completing my essay. w00p.

I'm so exhausted... Slept over Tan's for three hours after having pizzaaa and came back to mine to attempt studying but that's been futile. I can't stop thinking about Matt. It was his birthday yesterday and before I realised it I ignored him when he was in my house. I text him hoping he'd clear my confusion but he only added to it, that's why I ignored him :S. I can't believe I miss him this much? He's not even that amazing, I think his new lack of interest intrigues and excites me since NO guy has been this way with me. It's so weird because he was really loved up and into me and then all of a sudden it went away? Confusiiiinggg. The crazy thing is I absolutely love crying over him. I love the misery that comes with knowing a guy no longer wants you. It's wonderful, because it doesn't happen to me. I'm sick of guys wanting me. Fucked up, isn't it?

01] Please comment!
02] Credit ponyboy or iconzicons if taking!
03] No hotlinking or altering, please!
04] My mind is out of control! I just can't take it no more!



( 2NE1: 51 CL & Minzy 'Please Don't Go' Icons! )